Feeling silly...

So my last post was about my HSG test. I was stressed to the max. After reading so many different experiences through other blogs I was making myself literally sick with worry.
Here is MY experience.

My mom picked me up.
We stopped by the pharmacy because my doctor recommended Aleve or Motrin - since I'm not a huge medicine taker we had to stop a grab some.
I went with Aleve. Took 3. Headed to my appt.
Let me just say 15 minutes down the road I had psyched myself out so badly I told mom I was about to throw up. I was in a panic. It was raining. I was freaking out.
Mom just tried to calm me down  - but she knows me and I think knew I just needed to process and think it through.
(after she told me maybe 20 times to never look at the internet again. Right.)
We made it though. I ate maybe 3,403 tic tacs - but we made it.

I will say as far as the imaging center I was scheduled at I couldn't possibly have been more blessed by the staff. I was one of the first appointments so it was relatively quiet. They were very attentive and so so so sweet! I let them know my concerns and they were so comforting.

I went into the changing area and a guy walked in introducing himself as the xray tech and he broke down the whole procedure and what to expect even though I knew by heart from my "research"what was about to happen.
He tried to make a few jokes and was like yeah probably not the time right? No, dude. It's not.
I did appreciate the effort though :)
In the first xray room he had to take just a normal xray to make sure most fluids were out.
Totally not an issue. That was easy.
Then we went into the second xray room where the actual procedure was going to take place.
That's when I started crying. Ok, bawling.
He gave me a quick hug and said girl what are you even worried about? you look too young to be thinking about babies anyway... MORE TEARS! No!!! I'm almost 30.
Then I started laughing. It was weird bc I started thinking about how much he made. It must be a good sum to be so practiced in the art of false compliments and encouragements ;)

Ok, so now the actual situation.
I will just say I cried. The whole time.

BUT NOT BC IT HURT!

I psyched myself so badly that I couldn't quit crying. Even when I KNEW it wasn't hurting!
The doctor (a pretty gal who looked years younger than me) (yes thought about that through tears as well) asked me what was wrong and if everything was ok.... I told her I was worried about the catheter going in and she said, babe it's already done! working on the dye right now!

I felt silly.
The dye did cause a tiny bit of cramping but for only maybe 5 seconds.
Then it was done girls! All the pain just gone! done!
What was a freaking about?!
Felt totalllllly dramatic.
Then I couldn't quit crying bc I felt so dumb.
It was a weird series of emotions.

So to wrap this up:
it wasn't bad at all. maybe "an inexperienced first time obgyn giving a pap smear for the first time" bad at the most.

I will say they did tell me that sometimes when there are abnormalities or blockages - or other things that could be wrong - there is more pain involved. I am in no way discrediting girls who say it was excruciating. Not my place. I just wanted to give a positive report that it can go painlessly and quickly, with only a tad bit of awkward.

We left the office and I felt just fine. I honestly could have driven myself if need be. Mom and I went and shopped around and had lunch so really it was an in and out procedure. I then went home and napped with Heidi the rest of the day so all in all it was a great experience thanks to the staff at the imaging center and probably the help of 3 Aleve.

So I haven't heard back from my doctor yet about our next step but the tech went over my results and said everything looked beautiful. Weird considering that I'm going through infertility. Nothing about my inner workings are apparently beautiful ;) but I will take it! So no blockages, no abnormalities. Praise Jesus. One less issue to worry about. Even though some type of answer would have been nice to explain the issues we are having  - have to think of this as a huge win for my body.... its about time!

James thinks that since my cycles are so all over the place one of our main problems is timing. He is super hopeful that with a monitored clomid iui cycle we will have a mini Stell on the way before we know it!

Well that was my experience. Just wanted to share.
Hope everyone had an awesome Thanksgiving!
We did!

Lots of love,

Lauren

Not my idea of a good time....

Hello everyone!

Just a quick little note on how much I despise: MEDROXYPROGESTRONE.

What is medroxyprogesterone? (you ask)

Medroxyprogesterone is a progestin (a form of progesterone), a female hormone that helps regulate ovulation (the release of an egg from an ovary) and menstrual periods.

Medroxyprogesterone is used to treat conditions such as absent or irregular menstrual periods, or abnormal uterine bleeding. It is also used to decrease the risk of endometrial hyperplasia (a condition that may lead to uterine cancer) while taking estrogens.
Medroxyprogesterone is also used to prevent overgrowth in the lining of the uterus in postmenopausal women who are receiving estrogen hormone replacement therapy.

So yeah, that is what that is. I told you last time the doctor said if I hadn't started a period by cycle day 35 to give them a call and they would send these little horrors to the pharmacy for pickup.

Well - a few days before day 35 I started getting some spotting! ON MY OWN! Is it weird that I was so damn excited? It's my life and my blog so no, not weird!
I called the doctor and the nurse said that while that awesome - it didn't count. What?! My body is trying to work .... get a little more excited, lady! 
So despite some spotting nothing truly happened so day 35 I called and picked up the mini pills.
The next day Aunt Flo showed up full force completely showing off the fact that I needed the meds. So rude.

Now to the part about why I hate this medicine.
It makes me CRAZY!!!!!

I have been a mess the last 4 days! Short tempered, emotional, hot flashy, so sleepy, nauseous, I mean you name it....

I really believe my body was producing some of that hormone already just not quite enough - and the pills brought on a little more than actually needed. Bringing on my past four days of insane.

I mean I've never been depressed but if I could imagine what it felt like this would be it!
My poor husband. I am so thankful for his patience with me because honestly he's probably thinking he should be on the show Who the Bleep Did I Marry.... not kidding.

SO since I am having a cycle we have scheduled my HSG (Hysterosalpingogram)test for Friday morning! I'm really looking forward to this. It will at least be an answer. Do I have blockage, no blockage, etc. and I get to watch the dye flow through my tubes and things on the screen and I can't wait to check that out... I know, weird, but so cool ;)

I will update everyone on how the test goes and let you know if anything else comes up as far a plans with the doctor. I think unless we find something crazy Friday the plan is still Clomid with an IUI in December :)


Eeeeeeek! Praying that 2014 is our year! (and um, can anyone else believe this year is pretty much over?!) WOW!

Sending best wishes and love to all my girls!

XO

Lauren

My FAV things at the moment :)

So I got this ecard from a friend and had to act like I was 100% on board with it. While I heavily agree - I'm almost tired of pretending I'm ok with not having our mini Stell....but I mean, Heidi really is awesome. Probably a shade or two past awesome!

 
 
 

I mean who wouldn't want to cuddle with these two....who needs a baby?! Honestly.....

We do??

=

....and I'm pretty sure even though our dog is awesome WHEN we DO have our gorgeous little Claire, she will look a little like this. ( at least we hope) CUUUUUUTE!!!
We have issues. Seriously.

until then we have this precious little gem. I feel like even when a mini Stell arrives this little beauty will always have our hearts. She is our first baby. She is wonderful and really probably half the reason James stays with me ;) Kidding....I think.

I am ALSO loving that they put the forms up on our lot! Yes, building our dream house has been a little crazy but would we really know how to handle anything besides crazy? Probably not. I know this isn't much to look at but to us it's simply AMAZING!!!! 1.98 acres to do WHATEVER we want with. I just picture a lot of quiet patio time with a glass of wine OR tons of room for our little one to run around...both scenarios are going to be pretty wonderful.

So goodnight, friends!
Enjoy YOUR favs!

Love,
the Stells
:)

UPDATE?!

Sure, why not?!

 

A lot has happened since I last blogged - months ago!

 

Where did I leave off?

 

Ok, after our miscarriage I was shaken, but confident that Clomid was our best chance at finally having our mini Stell.

I took the 4th round of Clomid KNOWING that we would get pregnant. Maybe because our doctor seemed so confident?

I can tell you right now it didn't work.

No matter! It worked once - it would work again. To my understanding we have 2 more tries so maybe lucky number 3 would work out again. Let's do this!

 

Well......you know that song - it's an oldie but goody - "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do"?!

I totally got broken up with friends!!!

The doctor that I adore and put all of my trust in totally broke up with me.

Now, to be fair, I'm being dramatic...and I still adore her.

 

I was mistaken by the comment she made about trying another "round" of Clomid. In my mind I thought she meant the 3 times again when she actually meant - let's try one more time and see what happens.

 

I called her nurse and asked to refill my Clomid for round 5 and there was a pause and then a ummmm Dr. S would like to speak to you. Hold please.

 

Had I been flagged?! What the heck!

 

She got on the phone and said all the casual hi's and how are you's...

Then the shiz got real.

She said she had been where we are and she didn't want to see me be disappointed when we could be trying other things that might bring actual results.

I told her I loved Clomid. That was OUR way to get that result. She said that even if it worked she would be nervous that I would need more monitoring throughout the cycle and after.

See...she broke up with me. The whole "it's not you, it's me" situation.

I guess since that never happened to me growing up everyone has to go through it at least once.

Why now?! Middle school would have been way more tolerable. Maybe not... Moving on.

 

She then referred us to HER specialist who is responsible for her two beautiful IVF babies.

I had my reservations bc through blogging I have the seen the good bad and the ugly of the whole "fertility racket". Yes, someone called this huge time is our lives a racket. Ass.

 

I prayed and prayed. I asked God to make it clear what path we should take. This doctor. A different doctor. I prayed for peace with the situation if this was right and in God's great plan.

 

I knew hands down that I would walk out if it seemed the man hadn't looked at our file, didn't want to hear our story, and said "IVF is your only option  - hand over the money".

 

That didn't happen.

We went to our consultation and we were so impressed. We checked in. Waited MAYBE 5 minutes then met the man that I really feel will be able to answer so many of our questions throughout this journey.

We sat down and he knew EVERYTHING. He actually had read and looked over our file! I mean - I thought that was really cool. We talked almost an hour. He actually was going to school for orthopedics but his wife started struggling with infertility and it made him shift focus. Love him.

 

So now that you know I love yet another doctor ( I swear I'm not that easy to please) this is what he said we should do.

 

MORE CLOMID!

LOL!

 

Like I said - the stuff works ;)

 

I'm a little frustrated and impatient because I have to wait for a cycle before we can do the dye test to make sure I'm not blocked or scarred or whatever else could be an issue in that area.

I told the nurse on the phone that I was pretty dang positive that nothing was going to happen on its own so they should just go ahead and induce a period.

She said no. Rude.

Soooo I have to wait until cycle day 35. THIRTY FIVE?! and then call to get the prescription to start my period. Last time it took 10 days for the meds to bring aunt Flo. That puts us into Thanksgiving week - ummmm somebody better be scanning some tubes on Black Friday, just sayin'...and they better like it.

 

After the scan and they find everything is PERFECT (amen, amen, amen) (it's going to happen)

I am going to start a new round of monitored Clomid - maybe a trigger shot - and then readers the doc is pulling out the big guns. I'm kidding. We are just doing an IUI. JUST?! This kind of takes some pressure off of us though which I'm super excited about. We will know exactly when I ovulate and exactly when to get those little swimmers into place. So pressure! So nice.....

 

So hopefully this happens in December!

We are so very excited!

This was our pic just leaving the consultation:

Cute, right?! Ok, J might look a litttttle creepy BUT love him anyway!

 

That's our update.

No mini Stell just yet - but we are moving ahead!

Faith in our hearts and hope on our side!

 

 

 

Sending a hug to anyone going through infertility. It can be a huge struggle if you let the pain creep into your heart. Protect your relationships, protect your hope and faith, mostly protect your heart. Know that God has His plan and His plan is GOOD and PERFECT!

 

XO

 

Lauren